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 Infertility and Adoption

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Posted on 08-08-16 8:09 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Hello everyone,
We been dealing with infertility for past 5 years. We had multiple failed IUI, IVF and FET. Doc can't find anything wrong with us. I been to several RE. in different states. I think it's about time for us to move on and come peace with not having our own child. We thought about surrogacy. I have several 5 days blast left. Surrogacy might be option for us. But i'm too scared to go through the process.

Due to the Physical and Emotional Toll of Infertility Treatment, we want to take few years off. We spend most of our off days on bed rest, IVF and FET. I am so done with those painful shots, gaining weights, feeling like looser after every try, acting like everything is fine, making stories about vacation trip at my work :(

Now we want to be physically and mentally ready before we adopt a child. I think we isolated our self from all our friends and family for past five years. I want to go out travel and actually enjoy being us before we start this new journey.

But meanwhile, i do want to know if anyone has gone through this. I don't know any one going through this. Since it's very sensitive topic, we don't discuss openly with anyone. I feel like i am lost here. No one in my or his family has been though any of this. I guess, i want to talk to someone who will understand us. Please don't ask me to to go to meetup to find alike group.

Also, has anyone adopted a child from Nepal. How long will it take to process. I would be very grateful if you could provide me with any information.

**** Please no negative comments.
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Posted on 08-08-16 8:29 AM     [Snapshot: 10]     Reply [Subscribe]
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My brother and his wife are trying to have baby for 3-4 years now. I think she had her Fallopian tubes blocked or something. They tried various treatment medicines but didn't work. They thought about adopting surrogacy and all that. They did their first IVF last month. She went through hell doing IVF. She suffered OHSS. At first attempt she is 8-9 weeks pregnant. They are hoping everything will be smooth. Sometimes they are scared of miscarriage symptoms. But so far it looks good. I am praying for them. I feel your pain. Wish you the best.
Posted on 08-08-16 8:39 AM     [Snapshot: 31]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Magale, Wish your family all the best. My first attempt i had miscarriage at 7 weeks.The most painful thing I have ever experienced.
Posted on 08-08-16 12:20 PM     [Snapshot: 199]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Hi ghogay,

Please check your inbox.

Posted on 08-08-16 12:50 PM     [Snapshot: 226]     Reply [Subscribe]
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We can understand you, Daredream. We are going through the same problem of infertility. Married for 6 years. We came to US 3 years ago and tried IVF 1 year ago with so-called famous doctor but it didn't succeed. IVF is very expensive( not covered by our insurance) so we lost all our saving. We are planning to have 2nd cycle after accumulating the money. Now, we have talked with each other that it will be our last cycle. We can't afford for other cycle. we are not planning to adopt child because we feel that we can't love or feel the same for the adopted child( that is our personal feeling). If God is not giving us child, he may have some plans for us.

Daredream, you are not only one to have this problem. We are not struggling to have children only but we are struggling for our career and for our survival in US. So, believe in God, whatever happens has some meaning!
Posted on 08-08-16 1:03 PM     [Snapshot: 248]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Last edited: 10-Aug-16 02:11 PM

Posted on 08-08-16 1:14 PM     [Snapshot: 179]     Reply [Subscribe]
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It would be unfair if I tell you that I understand what you and your spouse went through and the current state. We had to deal with it too and then miracle happen. I will get back to it in a bit. But before that, I want to mention few things.
We know that many of these infertilities cannot be explained. Some may be hereditary and others can be due to the way a women body was build (internally some organs missing or some organs not growing fully functional) and others can be due to various reason. I am not a Doctor or medical student by profession but all these were acquired during our research and the period that we had to deal with. In our case, it was an unexplained reason. We went to 3 doctors and no one could explain why. But there were some other factors involved too. My wife in her late twenties and early thirties were showing sign of early menopause and thus her hormones were very low and not producing enough eggs. Her Mom had suffered early menopause too. We tried almost for 2-3 years going from one place to another. She never discussed it with any-one. Because of her, I didn’t even tell my parents and she never said it too. And I respected her decision after all it was more important to her than me. We finally told our parents after 2 years when we visited Nepal. And she didn’t like the idea of adopting a baby too (she had her reason and its personal so I will leave this to it) But I was OK with it.
I know the emotional and physiological toll. I will never forgot the day when we first went to our 1st doctor for lab test results and my wife leaning on me with tears dropping from her both eyes when she heard that she might not be able to become mom on her own. She was given two medication (I believe it was called something like progesterone and estrogen), something similar to a birth control pills but without the birth-control part because of her low hormones. Without those she never had her periods correctly in a timely fashion.
Beginning year 2013, we had already finalized the Infertility center and had started looking into possible donor. Money was set aside too for the treatment. I know the financial burden and cost is nothing compared to emotional and physical toll, but still it’s a large amount. And many insurance doesn’t cover it or at least in my case it didn’t.
Then came the greatest happy news of our life when she missed few days of her cycle. The pregnancy test came positive and now we have 2 and half years that is making our life more miserable. But we love the little mischief monkey to death.
Not sure if sharing our story will ease your pain and provide any comfort. But this was very personal to us and thought about writing it, which I usually don’t do in Sajha.
I do understand that this is very sensitive topic and people don’t like to share. But this is how I look into it. This is not something you did wrong and trying to hide from people because they will judge you. I do also understand that back home things are not as forward as western culture. But for me, no matter what you do you will always find people pointing fingers at you. Ignore those people. You cannot change them. You will find similar people here too. But share with your close ones and family and friends and talk about it. You will feel light. For me, I look it this way – there are certain things in this life that you will not have although it is in your top priority list. You have done enough on your part and worked hard for it. I know results were different and not the one you wished for, But at some point we have to realize that and learn to accept the outcome. There is nothing wrong in adoption. My lead (co-worker) actually adopted 2 kinds -now 5 and 7 and his wife had no issues nor had he. They just wanted to adopt. My Director had a similar story. When I shared mine with me (because I had to take off for my spouse DR’s visit), he shared his.

I think you are moving in right direction. Take break and rest. Do things that you enjoy and when time is right, discuss with your partner. I know there will be days where you will feel low about it and think about it and feel sad. Thats OK, it is just one of the way human cope with things like this.

I hope in writing all this, I didn't made it worse. My intensions are right. Please enjoye life and make peace with time.
Posted on 08-08-16 1:37 PM     [Snapshot: 304]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Thanks Tyo Din and Bhukampa Pidit.
My insurance doesn't cover anything as well. My hubby's last company insurance would have covered. But back then Doc said i was too young to do IVF. I can't even remember how may times i did HSG, IUI, clomid cycle, hysteroscopy, etc.. now FET. My doc wanted me to do another one right away. He scheduled me for Hysteroscopy first and then another FET! I don't want to lie to myself, i might end up doing one more FET.
It's physically, emotionally and financially painful!

Stupida, Thanks for your story. I think it helps to hear similar story from someone, especially successful story. i am so happy for you.

Posted on 08-08-16 1:49 PM     [Snapshot: 324]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Bhukampa Pidit,
I heard it is time consuming and hard to adopt child from Nepal. If you have any info from your close relative, please do share. I have citizenship and my hubby has a green card.

Posted on 08-08-16 1:53 PM     [Snapshot: 188]     Reply [Subscribe]
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"I think it's about time for us to move on and come peace with not having our own child."

If you keep having such views and keep reinforcing such views, either intentionally or unintentionally you will likely never have a peace of mind. Having such feelings or behavioral patterns are not fundamentally different than with those addicted to smoking or alcohol, just a different context.


- By adopting a child you could become a parent.

- By adopting a child you could take care of someone who is already here, not someone who may or may not arrive in this world.

From School of Medicine at Stanford University


Posted on 08-08-16 2:37 PM     [Snapshot: 333]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@Daredream... I understand your feelings so I thought to put some of my ideas regarding this matter.
Have you ever tried Ayurvedic treatment? According to jiva Ayurveda, the cause of infertility in approximately 20% of couples can't be determined using the currently available methods of investigation. I recommend you visit authentic Ayurvedic centers either in Nepal or India. These Ayurvedic treatments are not that expensive compared to the Western techniques. There are too many causes of infertility and correct diagnosis requires total wisdom.

I recommend you and your husband chant Vedic mantras for attaining peace and harmony. Stress can make things worse, so try getting rid of stress as much as possible. When life starts syncing with natural law, many problems of life automatically fades away. Conception is also possible with some mantras; however you must have faith and devotion to the mantra and chant with sincerity.

About adopting a child: One Atma has become all these. All beings are your relatives. When your mind thinks someone as your friend, it becomes your friend. If it thinks someone as an enemy, it becomes your enemy. So, success in adoption requires a balance state of mind.

I wish all the happiness be granted to you. Om Tat Sat.
Posted on 08-08-16 2:53 PM     [Snapshot: 451]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Are there treatments for men's infertility?
Posted on 08-08-16 3:05 PM     [Snapshot: 452]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Daredream, I don't have any suggestions for you but just wanted to say good luck to you and your spouse.

My boss lives pretty thrifty life while he and his wife make pretty good money for a young couple. I respect simple living, but somewhat always wondered. Back in May he disclosed that they have been trying to have kids for last many many years, and now they were pregnant. Everything made sense that I was observing in him, including the stress for his 'seemingly' pretty smooth life. I understand he spent a couple hundred grands and I can imagine emotional toll to them and their traditional family back in India for at least last eight years. As I type this, he is on paternity leave and taking care of his premature twins.

Whatever you do, good luck to you. Desire to be parent already proves that you have a very good heart. And this world can use a lot of good hearts like yours in many many ways.
Posted on 08-08-16 3:43 PM     [Snapshot: 488]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Ujl and Altijdgoede
You are right, stress can disrupt fertility. I don't think my job is very stressful. I think i should have waited when i had my first miscarriage and not rushed on the next FET. I was way stressed, worried and scared losing my 7 weeks baby. But at the same time so hopeful that it will work out. Thanks for you suggestion. It's helpful. I will re-start meditating.

Male fertility problems can be treated. If there is low count or morphology or poor motility then you can do ICSI. Look below link for more info
Posted on 08-08-16 5:35 PM     [Snapshot: 591]     Reply [Subscribe]
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All these fertility treatments are bullshit. They don't work. It is already written whether a woman can have a child or not. It is a blessing that a woman acquires through one life to another. A woman who kills her baby (through abortion and murder) will lose that privilege to have a baby on her next life. This is why science fails miserably on this issue.
Posted on 08-08-16 7:00 PM     [Snapshot: 653]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Just find a woman in nepal to carry the baby...u will pay some $$$ but i think it will be similar to paying for IVG in usa... people from israel and other countries going to nepal to find woman to have their baby.. ofcourse u can adopt also..
Posted on 08-08-16 7:04 PM     [Snapshot: 649]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Shame on you Furke. If you cant say something nice then don't say anything at all. You are a disgusting and insensitive person. You are disgusting people when u say something. Who knows what people have done in their previous life, who knows previous or next life even exists, even it does, who knows what have you done in previous life.
@Daredream, Good luck with your process, if you have really thought to go through that again. But don't be too harsh on yourself, having kid only is not everything. Love yourself and love your life. Everything will be fine. Take care.

Posted on 08-08-16 8:10 PM     [Snapshot: 683]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I am a compassionate person and I feel for the lady. What I have stated is very hard to ignore. A reknowned Jyotish (not thug type who asks you to put rings to solve problems) had told my sister-in-law looking at her Cheena about 15 years ago when she just got married that she will never have a baby coz she aborted her child in her previous life. Turned out to be true. She is 36 now with no child. Heard few other similar incidents. My own life has gone according to his predictions. So, I totally believe this shit. If he had told me I did bad karma in my previous life, I would try to rectify in this life. I'm not blaming anybody of anything, just saying!
Posted on 08-09-16 7:33 AM     [Snapshot: 853]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I totally understand you follow your jyotish. And lets say he is right too that your sister aborted her child in previous life. Did he tell you the reason why she aborted though? I believe if he wanted to tell, probably he could like you said he is very "gyani". Who knows, she has aborted because the baby has fetal health problems, mom has health issues, or could a baby be from rape. Moreover, lets say your sister deliberately aborted her baby in her previous life then, why your brother in law is going through the same phase. And i strongly disagree that because your sister did something in her previous life, he does not have a kid.
Furke, I don't want to say your belief is wrong, you can follow what makes you happy. I just wanted you to be little sensitive as people are going through harsh time phase, and already are disheartened. If you cant say something nice, then you dont have to write anything. But i just wanted to say that whatever you wrote was very insensitive.
Posted on 08-09-16 10:56 AM     [Snapshot: 937]     Reply [Subscribe]
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galti k ta, i didnt understand
Posted on 08-20-16 6:51 AM     [Snapshot: 1269]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Please adopt these children.



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