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 Strange! but true (Mentally tortured and harassed by a wife)

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Posted on 06-21-14 8:22 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Seeking suggestion on what to do.
Please, this is my kind request not to comment any offensive reply.
I definitely would touch base with a lawyer soon. However, initiation on Sajha always does help
Thanks in advance

केहि बर्ष अगाडि नेपाल गएको बेला मैले बिहे गरे (strange but true it is a love marriage)। बिहे लगत्तै म usa फर्के आफ्नो काम को लागि। अैले म work visa मा छु। was in f1 when i got married.
मैले बिहे मा केही दाईजो पनि लेको थिएन। दाईजो नलिएर  ठुलो काम गरी भन्न खोजेको हैन। True, so it is being included in this post.

बिहे पछी:
I started hearing from family and friends about my wife being seen with other guy in a different dating spot. 
To confirm i did ask her and she admitted so easily.
just within few months period after marriage म यहाँ usa ma हुँदा उसको अरु केटा सँग सम्बन्ध रहन पुगेछ। Yes! after marriage. She said it is her true and deep love for that guy and that guy indeed understands her.
उस्ले मलाई उु तेही केटा सँग जान्छु भनेर mero घर छोडेर गई।  and i didn't stop her. i let her go. 

(it was not easy to let the wife u love to go with someone else in such a dramatic way.
But  i let her go because i want my relationship with my life partner to be bounded by love, trust, true feelings and respect, not due to any compulsion or सामाजिक बन्देज.
Besides, i have always loved her and i still do. I thought if she would be  happy with that let her be happy with it.

I did what i think was right, however, this stuff took me to depression for several weeks. I was not able to think, sleep, work for several weeks. Thanks to my lead and my team who understood my situation and help me with my work situation being much supportive. ( she was Indian and a woman and I believe that's called humanity)

तर त्यो केटाले  mero wife lai स्विकारेन  छ,  के  भयो तेस पछी  उ मेरो घरमा मा farkina.
But she started sending series of message asking me to sponsor her to USA on dependent visa or funded her to study abroad.
Then I realized her real intention. She married me(despite I am much older than her and much ugly as according to her) because her motive was to enter USA and to get financial backup from me.
I denied to sponsor her. Neither my financial situation is that good to fund her for abroad study.

हाल ऊ आफ्नो माइता मा बस्दै आएको रहेछ। since last 1 year.
(she just lied and fooled around her parents and getting support of them.
it is said mother's love is blind.No doubt, mother always support her child, but at least being a mother, one has to be much cautious regarding child action  and have to figure out the real stuff. Still no complain to my wife's mother)

उस्ले  मलाई पढ्न बस्न खर्च मागेको  थियो। आफ्नो कर्तव्य हो भनी  मैले उस्को dad ko खातामा पैसा हलिदिन्छु भने तर तेसो भने पछी  रीसाएरर  चाइदैन भनिन।    She wanted money in her account.

My previous employer let me go from my previous job. Luckily, I found a new job and working fine so far.
However, barambar my wife has been threatening me to drag me to the court, divorce nai nadikana dhuru dhuru ruwauchu and all.
Though it always tortured me, I was able to control myself.

Every times she send msg, i would be scared, my whole body tingles and i am not able to think at all. I know it's a complete abuse but I always have stayed quiet as once upon a time she did provide me an immense love and support and I can never deny that fact.

Few days back she again sent msg and this time it was indeed intolerable; once again.

she messaged, उसले मलाई दिवोर्के केस गर्छु, property क्लैम गर्छु . and this time she said she would terminate my visa and drag me back to NEPAL. She used all the 'F' word, khate kukur and all. She said she has reached to the lawyer regarding this and her lawyer would be sending the legal documents to me. 
I tried to calm her down and convince her but of no avail. so said her
जे  ठीक लाग्छ तेही गर्नु 

Just would like to mention, while I am in USA, I never have any relation with any girl.
I don't drink, smoke, neither I go to strip clubs and all. People who knows me even can't predict what's going inside my heart and my life.
I just try to make everyone smile though someone is making me cry all the time.
Again mentioning this as it is the fact.

I understand woman has more priority as per Nepal law.
Now Few questions to the one who can provide me relevant information.

-      उस्ले मलाई केस गरी मेरो visa cancel गराइ नेपाल फर्किन वाध्य गराउछु भनी msg पठाको छ।
       kt ले चाहेको खण्द मा के  उस्ले तेसो गर्न सक्छ ra According to Nepal Law? I am on work visa

-        उस्ले property claim केस जिते ko खन्दमा या हारेको खन्दमा उस्ले कती property paucha ?

-        के मेरो बाउ ko सम्पत्ति मा उस्ले claim garna सक्छ? (i am never in favor of taking my father's will. I believe in being independent and glad I am.)

- if she cases me which she might be planning, के मैले मेरो usa मा भाको  आफ्नो चल् अचल सम्पत्ति सबै को बिबरण  दिनु पर्छ। म सँग भको सम्पत्ति भन्दा धेरै सम्पत्ति मागेको खन्दमा  मैले के गर्नु parca.

- एदी मैले mero अलि अलि भाको money मेरो मदर को name मा  राखे  भने के तेस्मा उन्ले हक दबी गर्न सक्छ ?   

- ke ma nepal nai janu parcha divorce ko lagi or Is it possible to get it done from USA?

---- can i sue my wife for all these mental harassment and abuse as according to Nepal's law.
I have all the abusive msg, email she has sent, her admit of her affair. everything.

I just would like to mention, 
I would for sure reach to lawyer regarding this. It is just an initiative on sajha in the expectation of getting some appropriate advise. If anyone can suggest good advise and divorce lawyer, that would be great.

My question on this thread and for the topic for suing my wife for mental abuse is not to trouble my wife though she troubled/troubles  me a lot. At one point of a time, i was suicidal for a while because of her deeds.

My kind request
please don't criticize and assume or use any thing bad word for her. 
I agree she did wrong but still don't want bad words for her.
i still love her. But I couldn't be with her because i have some principle and dignity in life.
and i believe no husband can be with the wife whom he loved, trusted, respected had left  him for some other guy being in relationship with that other guy.

No matter she wins the case or loose I would still provide her the part of my asset i earned working so hard in usa for her education, food and accommodation. I just want to be sure she doesn't misuse the money she gets, 
किनकि आफुले दुख गरि कमाको पैसाको/सम्पतिको माया आफुलाई जति अरुलाई कहिले  हुदैन. 
so she can spent/waste the money in a wrong way which she would get after divorce.
and i want my wife to be independent achieving a good education so that in future no matter wherever she will be, whoever she will be with she can survive happily and can have prosperous life.
Rahyo sawal mero. Sajha ko sathi haru bhaee halnu hunca ni to smile and remain calm.
Last edited: 21-Jun-14 08:26 AM
Last edited: 21-Jun-14 08:27 AM
Last edited: 21-Jun-14 08:29 AM
Last edited: 21-Jun-14 08:34 AM

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Posted on 06-23-14 11:23 AM     [Snapshot: 2142]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I am not an expert on this subject matter, coz im still single. But Goodsoul's story makes me aware of the possible situation after marrying a girl in Nepal while you are abroad.
This is what I would do in similar situation:
1. consult with a lawyer asap, also ask your parents to consult with a lawyer in Nepal if possible.
2. Continue talking to her and make her mad, so she will say bad things about you and your family. Record all conversations, voice call, text, fb msg everything. You will need them to prove her intension in the court. If you have enough proof, thats even better.
3. I would also hire some personal detective in Nepal ( or just some good friends) to see what she is doing recently. If she is caught cheating on you, you dont have to worry about anything.
4 Be calm and confident. You didnt do anything wrong so you are on stronger side of the fence. old says: न बिराउनु , न डराउनु !!!! Good Luck
Posted on 06-23-14 11:55 AM     [Snapshot: 2191]     Reply [Subscribe]
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नेपाली लाउरे ब्रो,
खोइ तिमि अतिउद्दार भएको हो कि म बिबेक शुन्य ठम्याउन सकिन| यति सारो तल्लो स्तरको हर्कत गर्ने आइमाई संग पुनर्मिलन सुखद हुन्छ भन्ने कुरो चाही एक बोरा हाजमोला संग पनि पचाउन गारो छ| साची त्यो खगेन्द्र सोमको चाही के भैराछ त अहिले?
Posted on 06-23-14 12:04 PM     [Snapshot: 2202]     Reply [Subscribe]
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हाहा , मैले त्यो खगेन्द्र सोमको कुरो उठान गरेको चै : येस्ता सम्बन्धका कुरामा एक तर्फी कुरो अलि खतरनाक हुन्छ कि भनेको नि | हाम्रो खगेद्र सोम त भारी बहुमत ले बिजयी भयेचन नि , त्यो प्रदिप ब्रो ले त खगेन ब्रो को निकै हित गरेछन |

अनि कुनै पनि बाउले बिहे गरेर पठाएको छोरीलाई ज्वाईकै घरमा पठाउने कोसिस गर्छन क्या बिसेस गरि 'इफ द ज्वाई गाई स्टिल has सम फीलिंग्स towards her ) |
Posted on 06-23-14 12:25 PM     [Snapshot: 2253]     Reply [Subscribe]
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लाउरे ब्रो, तिम्रो कुरो सहि हो तर हामीले सल्लाह त जति सूचना उपलब्ध छ त्यसको भरमा दिने हो| अर्को कुरा त्यो प्रदिप सोम को केस चाही के रैछ त ब्रो?
Posted on 06-23-14 12:34 PM     [Snapshot: 2255]     Reply [Subscribe]
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खै के हुदै छ ठ्याक्कै त थाहा भएन , काम हुदै छ होला नि | तर हामी सबै को मन्थन बाट 'त्यो पहेलो दाल मा देखिएको कालो पदार्थ जिम्ब्बु को टुक्रा होइन , झिंगा नै हो ' भन्ने कुरो त लगभग निश्चित त भाको हो नि |

goodsoul ब्रो को येति महत्वोपुर्ण thread मा मैले के के लेखेको छु, मेरो पोस्ट चेट गर्न बेर छैन , censorship लगाएर | sorry है ब्रो | दिमाग येसो बहलाउनु, tension नलिनु , सब ठिक हुन्छ |
Posted on 06-23-14 12:51 PM     [Snapshot: 2234]     Reply [Subscribe]
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YoTaBhayenaniSom - Thank you for your advise.
all i want is a peace of mind and good approach to overcome this so that my old parent do not have to stress being sad due to the current situation and do not have to worry being concerned about my life and future. 
(my mother is always worried that when she would be gone, there would not be anyone to love
me and support me. I believe that's why they say, 'she is a Mother who, only can provide unconditional love.')

Cursing my wife, making her life complex to teach her a good lesson for her pathetic deeds
couldn't revert what had already been happened. True, I do want her to realize some day that her pathetic deeds ruined my life and hers too. 
However, I want her to realize her mistakes by herself rather than compelling her to understand it. I believe, may be  in that case she could be able to respect
the relationship and  would not repeat such pathetic deeds again in future whoever she would be with.
 for education only i am ready to pay her, not for the court case  because it would be supporting her for something wrong, which in my view is not right.

kajisahab  and cybr- thank you for the suggestion. 
            I offered her some money before for her education and I still have it in a mind no matter she wins or looses the court case only because, i  think higher level of education may be much helpful for her to develop maturity in her, thus making her independent and eligible to survive which probably make her realize some day that
'we need to hold the good relationship tight being honest and much understanding' which would make our life further easier.
intelligent guy - thanks. My dignity and principle would never let me accept her again though i  do still love her and wish good for her. I wish i can accept her but that's not possible

daum -  some people, some moments we can't forget in life. i have loved her before marriage and after marriage too, so for me forgetting her 
is something that is not possible. But yes, life must go on and  i have to move on 
and i am doing the same. All I am trying to learn at the moment is to prepare for appropriate response against  more threats and problems my wife may create so that I don't get into depression again.  i wish she do  not do so but i know she will.
rahulvai dai 

तपाइको  सजेस्शन    मैले अरु   कसैको  divorce post मा पनि पढेको थिय . तेही  बाट केहि idea   पाएको  हु.  धेरै धेरै धन्यबाद. 

nepalilaure - i do not have feelings or fantasy for my wife, but i can't deny i have loved her in the past and i still do and wish good for her future. life gives us only a chance. just couldn't compromise with relationship.

helpjava11 - thank you.

- i have to delete some replies due to the inappropriate contents as instead of suggestion I found more negative criticism.

Last edited: 23-Jun-14 12:58 PM

Posted on 06-23-14 1:03 PM     [Snapshot: 2322]     Reply [Subscribe]
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धेरै नै घत पर्यो है ठुल्दाई !!
"यति सम्म भैसके पछी फेरी सम्बन्ध जोड्नु भनेको चर्केको काँच को वर्तन फेविकोलले जोडे जस्तो हुन्छ | "मन " फाटे पछी सिउन सकिन्न , सिए पनि जिउन सकिन्न | "
Posted on 06-23-14 1:07 PM     [Snapshot: 2327]     Reply [Subscribe]
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भीरको गोरुलाई राम राम भन्न सकिन्छ, काध थाप्न सकिदैन
Posted on 06-23-14 1:35 PM     [Snapshot: 2364]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Testo garey pachi tapai lai tharkaunu chahi nahuney ho. Roi karai galti ko mahsus gari tapai ko saamu jhujeko bhaye kura arkai huney thiyo tara dhamkayera afno duno sojhaunu chahi unko gundi manasikta nai ho. Tara pani kaanuni rup mai haal lai biwahit rahera tapaiko aafnai duno pani sojaunus bhanney matra mero bhanai ho. Yo court kachera ko jhamela ek choti suru bhai sakey pachi jyadro po huncha.
Posted on 06-23-14 6:12 PM     [Snapshot: 2536]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Last edited: 23-Jun-14 07:51 PM

Posted on 06-25-14 4:40 PM     [Snapshot: 2923]     Reply [Subscribe]
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मेरो आमा  ले एक जना ओकिल संग बुज्दा 
बिवाह दर्ता गरेको भएर मेरो  श्रीमतीले  मेरो पीता बाट मैले पाउने अचल  सम्पति मा हक दावी गर्न पाहिन्छ रे. 
मेरो पीता बाट पाउने मेरो अङ्क्स बाट आधि सम्पति मेरो श्रीमतीले  हक दाबी गर्न पाउने कुरा बुजियो. 
मैले येहा  आर्जन गरेको  सम्पति मा हक दाबी गर्न नमिल्ने कुरा जस्तो भान भो.
अझै राम्ररी बुज्न बाकी नै छ. 
म अरु ओकिल संग  पनि बुज्ने विचार  गर्दै  छु.

Even though I have always assured my wife that I am ready to pay for her education, I do not understand why is she doing all the inappropriate deeds, probably only to mentally torture me. My family background is very average. If my wife wins the case and would get the part of the property that I may inherit from my father. I think it would be less that what I am always ready to pay for her education.
I wish she could realize that she is doing all the deeds that is ruining her present and probably future.

Posted on 06-25-14 6:27 PM     [Snapshot: 3008]     Reply [Subscribe]
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पैत्रिक सम्पति मा हक लाग्ने कुरो त मैले पनि भनेको थिए नि , unless you have paperworks that you have had an ANSHABANDA with your parents before you were married.

अनि मुद्दा जिते पनि पाउने सम्पति तपाई ले दिन तयार हुनु भएको भन्दा कम हुन्छ भन्ने कुरो त बुजाउनु पर्यो नि , श्रीमती कुरा नाबुज्ने खालकी छन् भने ससुरा , जेठान आदि संग कुरा गरेर | ससुरा , जेठान पनि घामट छन् भने भिनाजु , मामा वा कोहि तेस्तो होलान नि कुरा बुज्ने | तेही भएर त out side court settle गर्नुस भनेको नि , reconciliation गर्न principle ले दिदैन भने | उसले रिषको झोकमा extra marital affair गरेको हो भनेर text , इमेल जे पठाए पनि , तपाई लाइ केस जित्न सजिलो छैन , judge को अगाडी "त्यो सबै साचो हो /इमेल , text सबै मैले नै पठाएको हु " भनेर तपाईको श्रीमती ले नभने सम्म |
Posted on 06-26-14 1:37 PM     [Snapshot: 3499]     Reply [Subscribe]
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"केटि जाबो लात्तीले गोदेर पाइञ्छ केटा हो "

ओहो सत्रु सोल्टीले यो कहाँ बाट कपि गर्नु भयो ? कि तपाइको thulobau ले भनिबक्सिएको हो ? लोल

मैले त बरु 'खुट्टा भए जुत्त्ता त कति कति ' भन्ने सुनेको थिए , बास्तबमा यो चै महिला पुरुस दुबैलाई प्रयोग गर्न सकिन्छ | तेसैले महिला गण संग माफी मागी रहन पर्ने देखिन नआएको ले गर्दा माफी मागिएको बेहोरा अबगत गराउन मनासिब देखिएन |
Posted on 06-26-14 5:02 PM     [Snapshot: 3646]     Reply [Subscribe]
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यो goodsoul ब्रो ले ल्याएको टोपिक हालको नेपाली समाजमा दोहरीरहने घटना हो। अमेरिका जाउ या अरब गएर कमाउ, कुरो उही हो। धेरैलाई सम्पत्तिको भोक हुन्छ अनी सम्पत्ति पुग्न थालेसी यौन भन्नेको भोक शुरु हुन्छ। सुत्ने देखी मुत्ने समयमा लोग्ने को अभाब महसुस हुन्छ, अनी छेउछाउको पुरुषसँगको प्रभाब शुरु हुन्छ। मायाको दुरी मेटाउन नजिकको तुरी उधारो लिइन्छ। यता श्रीमती अण्डा नदिने कुखुरी, उता श्रीमान धार नभाको छुरी, अनी लिनु परेन त उधारोमा तुरी।

goodsoul मित्रको कथाले फेरी यो पाठ सिकाएको छ कि, बिहे गरिसके पछी जती सक्यो चाँडो सँगै बस्नु ।
Posted on 04-25-16 5:12 AM     [Snapshot: 6640]     Reply [Subscribe]
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GoodSoul ब्रो,

यति का समय बिति सक्योउ के भयो हजुर को समस्या ?

कहिँ उपाए गर्नु भयो ?
Posted on 04-25-16 12:23 PM     [Snapshot: 7245]     Reply [Subscribe]
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If you can prove your wife's illicit affair with that guy you don't have to give anything of your ancestral possesion to her. You can simply file divorce, I believe.
Posted on 04-25-16 2:46 PM     [Snapshot: 7335]     Reply [Subscribe]
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केटिहरु भालु जात हो.....एकचोटी चिकेपछी सधै चिक्नेमान्छे खोज्छ ....चाहे बुढो होस् ...चाहे पराई ...होस् गरौ साथी हो ...कतै हामी सबको एस्तो घटना नहोस....मैले धेरै केटि पोइला गको देख्या छु...रन्डीहरु .बिशेस गरेर श्रीमान बिदेस गएर दुख गरेर पैसा नेपाल पठाउनेहरु पछि रुनेछन .....
Posted on 04-25-16 3:04 PM     [Snapshot: 7441]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Yo sab bhako facebook le ho .. Zuckey ko thulo haat cha .
Posted on 04-26-16 8:54 AM     [Snapshot: 9867]     Reply [Subscribe]
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food cloth and shelter eventually diverse into love sex and wealth ... huh? not sure!!
Posted on 04-26-16 11:43 AM     [Snapshot: 10239]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Daum , दह्रो गयोनि ! Thirdleg: ठाडो भाषा मात्रै आउछ कि क्याहो ?

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