Hey guys which marraige is better arrange or love?? Personally although i prefer love marraige I am about to do an arrange marriage as unfortunately i never fell in love with anyone which is making me feeling empty despite having prosperous life and deserving future.

Anilbro U R Good,No worry about arrange marriage,It s a great,

Anilbro,

What matters in a marriage are: understanding, respect, honesty and love regardless of love or arranged one. Pick someone whose values are similar to yours. Good luck !!

anilbro,

The love that prospers after marriage is great.

Bhai, well said!

Thank you, sis !!

Hope i will fall in love after marraige.

well why dont you meet and hangout ..talk about stuff before marriage bro...........I mean do you really know her and does she really know you??? I mean it wouldnt hurt talking to her and getteing to know eachother a little better..  You see its not like old days now.....couples were stuck with eachother wether like it or not. But now a days its more modern and divorce is like a joke. So I think you should talk to her, meet her for tea ,coffee, or just a walk in the park .........try to understand her and tell her about you too.  Remember you are both going to spend the rest of your lives together. SO tell her to be honest about anything that can hurt relations in the future....and you should tell her about yours....FRANKNESS NOW will save your marriage down the road...............NOW you dont want to know something bad about her in three yrs into the marriage by some stranger.??? and vise versa........BUT GOODLUCK BRO.....Im married...It was Love at first sight....7 yrs now and stil feels fresh and warm like the day we first met. Hope yours will be the same......FOREVER.

Best advice: talk to her about it and seek her opinions about it. This way this gives her opportunity to put her views across. From my personal experience (ahemmmm...) a lasting love builds from this process..

good luck

_x

good question. i prefer both. i shall take the arrange one as well the one i fell in love with.

2 is better than 1.

 

Go for Arrange AnilBro.....
Love pachi Marriage garda, Majja aaudaina...(u know what i mean ), it really sucks.....

Maddog thanks for the good suggestion. I also think that in the same way. I would love to meet her, have cofee and talk ..... But as i already mentioned that oppurtinity never came into my life yet. In other words i didn't meet any girls with whom i can have cofee and talk. I certainly prefer to know each other and respect each others feeling. I would be immensely happy if i could truly love some one from my inner heart and vice versa. Thats why i mentioned that i would prefer love marraige. But  if i really get those things after the arrange marriage, I would consider myself as more lucky. But only thing that  i can't do but which i want to do is to know each other and talk about the feeling and other stuffs. Because i will not have enough time to do those things.And it is not possible to know someone from just a  few meetings.

Don't have any expectations. just think of it as another arrangement of living for a new lifestyle. You 'll be happy.

As a married person, I would say it doesn't matter. Love marriage definitely sounds good because it is a slow process. You get to know each other better before making THE decision. Arrange is like an express lane. You skip all these processes or at least out source them to others to verify. One thing about arrange is that you will have lot of moments of surprises, which is good. I married my wife after we had been girl friend and boy friend for 7 yrs. By the time we were married, we knew everything about each other, which I thought was boring until our daughter born. But I am happy that I got the best woman for me. So there is no definite path to marriage. Either of them can be good or ugly. One thing for sure, your freedom will vanish in the air. Here one helpful mantra.
1. If you can find yourself a wife, go for it.
2. If not, don't waste your time trying. Let your family or friends do it for you. Remember you will only grow old.
Good luck,
SS

Anilbro,

Rather than types of marriage, I guess it  mostly depends on you and your wife whether you will be enjoying married life or not. I have seen both love and arrange marriage equally successful. So, don't worry even if didn't ever get a chance to date someone.The gurl you are about to marry must be the "right person" you were waiting this long.

I am sure she will you do her best to make you happy if she is nepali gurl. Happy married life in advance !!

Sampada

Middle path works for majority.

Hune wala jodi lai ali ali chinnu pani parchha, need to grow some relationship. Society ko value lai kadar gardai arrange ko bato pani angalda ramro lagchha.

Love + Arrange = Lorange is the best in the changing society.

Some parents do not like their son/daughter falling in love. And they want someone picking in their way but consider the choice of their son/daughter.

well, i m doing love marriage.

I strongly recommend you to go for an arranged marriage with a "True_nepali" girl. So your decision is right. Love marriage sucks.

ok.....on the contrary, if you couldn't be arranged or your love didn't work out.......is it advisable to remain single?

Anilbro....at least you have something.....

Few Ups first.

s_brat bro/sis: Persistence, my friend, is the name of the game. Singles are quitters.

true_nepali: was that a hint ?

V2001: badhai chha... some are just envious

Love marriage, presupposes existence of 'LOVE' in an 'EXISTING' 'RELATIONSHIP'. The big question, then, is - define love, relationship, in the context of love vs. arranged marriage (because that is the discussion here). And there will be no one agreeable definition/criteria here because these are emotional and personal experiences, unique to every individual.

Now, moving over to Nepali context, marriages in Nepal are social events for the family and relatives. When I was sitting on the jagya for those 6 hours, I felt like a character in a big drama, not a person about to form a union with the person sitting next to me, who I will share my life with, and who I will stand by in ups and downs. Everyone around me was having fun, I felt, .. red saris, glitters and golds, suits, music, dance, etc.

After the ceremony/party, then the visits to relatives. More rituals. More red saris and naya suits.

During this ceremony/party, which is essentially a giant transition for the bride and groom, neither of us had the opportunity (and reason, in my case, which I describe later) to look at ourselves, share feelings of imminent stress, chaos, confusion, uncertainties... etc.

The point I am trying to make, and just got carried away doing so, is that whether it is LM or AM or LAM, the two persons need to actually talk about a common shared future. One can fall in deep love with the other person, but not be prepared mentally, spiritually or emotionally to be in a marriage with that person. And this leads to future difficulties, and even a divorce (post marriage there's no breakups). This can be true for AM as well, because there is no prior knowledge of the other person's minimal personality, let alone the baani byehora and soch bichar, and this complicates the situation further because there is no 'right way' to start up that conversation. I am not saying it cannot be done, but one cannot always count on exceptions.

When you apply for a job, you want to know as much about the company as the company wants to know about you even before you are shortlisted (lucky you), or called for an interview (you sog). You will have a 5 year plan (at least guff in interview) and vision, and you communicate that to the interviewer. When you start a business, you will have a sense of direction you will need to head, and you share this with your other partners. Similarly, in a marriage, both the keta and keti have to have that conversation. And this needs to happen BEFORE marriage. Usually in LM at pre25yrs age, there are just romantic and (in my case some good time ago) bollywood fantasies in conversations, far away from the realities and individual truths. But I have seen this tendency change in a lot of ppl who are in a dating relationship when they are abroad (why, another thread).

So, Conversation before the marriage, building that level of comfort (and that comfort too..  if you are impatient) should be the first thing you should have in your checklist if you are getting married, whether LM, AM or LAM.

Happy marrying...

_x