jay-z
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BREAKFAST AT BETH - THE DEMISE OF AN INDIE EATERY
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jay-z
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Posted on 08-10-11 8:59
PM [Snapshot: 119]
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good one again, one thing that i like about your short stories is that they are pretty down to earth, i've seen a few writers who try to spice things up by adding some drama here and there, you seem to present your observations as realistically as they would happen around anyone
my only complain with the above post is that you don't seem to make a transition from the opening scene, to an intermediate one, before the readers are taken to the final scene about the closure of the restaurant. may be i couldn't grasp it, but it seems to me that the writer was still in the opening scene when the rest of the passage rolls on. it's too easy for readers to think that the author is still at the opening scene when this para starts:
"It was one late August Saturday morning when I jogged my way to Beth’s via Hartford street. ......"
i think you need to get the author out of the first scence :)
let me know if you think my scrutiny is accurate
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behoove_me
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Posted on 08-11-11 7:49
AM [Snapshot: 249]
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Great catch Jay,
I am absolutely delighted that you dissected this story and came out with a valuable input. I must admit it did not occur to me before you mentioned. However, as I rummaged through my archives last night, I discovered that I only tend to write 'flash fiction' - stories that are so concise, it does not have a defined begining or closure. It is just written with brevity, like a research paper, which, by all means does not entice readers.
So that means I have limitations, I do not have patience to write an epic. Heck, I doubt if I could even write an article few pages long. But partly it is because I just wanted to be on a safter side, I guess I'd want my posts to be rather humdrum than full of errors. Maybe I will edit one of the narrative I have written in the past about my visit to Nepal after a long time, but it has so much personal details, I'd rather not share it here in sajha.
Thanks once again.
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